Art’s Power to Transform • by Anna-Marie Still

Little did I know that when I started teaching workshops and classes “for fun” that I would witness how, in the simple moment that it takes to move a rubber stamp from an ink pad to a piece of cardstock, the power of art has the ability to transform a self-professed uncreative person into a proud artist.

Even more amazing to me than that, however, is how I’ve seen that power spill over into so many other areas of these proud artists’ lives. I’ve witnessed a girl, who used to take medication for anxiety, grow into a confident woman in a span of six months — who turned around and taught and encouraged others to be confident in their own art. I’ve received phone calls from those bursting with happy news of how art has changed not only them, but their circumstances. The one call in particular that may have touched me the most came from a young, single mother who attended a few workshops of mine before becoming a demonstrator for a creative direct sales company. The call went like this:

“Anna-Marie! I’m so excited! My car just died!”

“Okay … why are you so excited about that?”

“Because for the first time in my life, I don’t have to worry where the money is coming from to pay for the repairs!”

Emotionally, financially, or otherwise, I’ve seen a lot of changes in people over the past seven years, all because of art. In most cases, I’m not even talking about “hanging in a gallery masterpiece” art — I’m talking about the look on someone’s face when they hand stamp a simple greeting card for the first time. You literally witness that person’s self-worth increase by leaps and bounds in an instant. Amazing!

Finding my own Purpose
As much as I’ve loved teaching and encouraging so many over these years, lately I’ve been feeling dry and uninspired and have been wrestling on and off with my own purpose. Let me try to explain ...

I’ve been contemplating: Where did this intrinsic need (in me) come from to deliver what my audience needs? And why has it overruled my simple, personal need to create? I realized that I’ve been so moved by my students and workshop/conference attendees that I’ve inadvertently suppressed my personal need to create. You see, everything I’ve done/created over the past seven years has been about/for others.

When I think about me, when I think about “my” art, I recall all the paintings I did in the ’90s and how I never really showed them to anyone — no reason in particular comes to mind, I just didn’t. My husband recently handed me one of my old paintings. I was actually shocked that we still had it. When we moved four years ago, I thought I had thrown all of my paintings away. Not for any other reason really than the fact that we were moving and I was purging and they didn’t apply to the type of art I was teaching at the time. When he handed it to me, I was reminded that I had thrown the others away and thought, in hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

Last night, I heard this quote, “I think it’s really hard to drag something out of yourself and show someone,” and I thought … maybe that applies to me more than I want to admit. When I teach, it’s all about my students and their art, not me at all.

My own personal art has been in my brain for so long — I guess compartmentalized, but because it is there, to me, it exists in the world. My concepts and my ideas have been content swimming around safely right there. A few months ago, I took some time, wiped my desk clear of everything that had to do with everyone else, and I painted … just for me. I had this burning desire to get at least some of it out of my head.

This work is unbelievably, undeniably, without question, the most satisfying thing I have ever created. I am so moved by it, I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops and share it with the world.

It is now that I realize the past seven years have been much like being on an airplane in an emergency situation. Instead of putting on my own oxygen mask first before helping the other passengers with theirs, I did exactly what the stewardess warns against. While the “rush” of helping others can sustain you for a little while, at some point you do need your own oxygen supply. When I allowed myself to breathe in deeply, alone, without the thought of anyone else’s needs, and feed my need to create, my lungs were finally filled! I had no idea … or it’s just been so long, I’ve simply forgotten.

I don’t think that I could ever turn my back on creative teaching opportunities. The first one I can recall came when I was in 7th grade and I taught a puppet-making workshop to several rounds of 12th grade seniors. Even though I have never considered myself to be instinctually creative like so many others that I admire, I have found that whether I’m teaching a small group of seven or when I get up on stage and speak to a crowd of 7,000 — I know in my heart that I was meant to be there as a motivator and encourager, and the gentle guide some people need to grow. It feeds them, and in turn, their energy feeds me.

Seeking a Balance
The trick now, in light of my epiphany, will be to find the balance between the two. I must be sure to place proper worth on and set aside time for my personal need to create, without any boundaries, limitations, or expectations from anyone. It is then and only then will I be at my best to help others.

By no means do I have any regrets in how my last seven years have been spent. I could have written a very different ART SAVES story, recounting many travels and personal growths that I have been privileged to experience as a result of this journey that would have put a completely different spin on all of this — so pretty you could wrap it up and put a shiny bow on top. But I have to be true to myself and the true purpose and vision that Jenny is seeking with her need to cultivate CRESENDOh.

There is no denying I am “in it” right now. The dissecting part isn’t always pretty. However, as I step out in a new direction with new focus, I am committed to being authentic and keepin’ it raw and real. I feel as though my ART SAVES story is just being written now and the realization and acceptance of that fact is so freeing it fills me with a light-heartedness that I’ve never known.

Learn more about Anna-Marie Still at annamariestill.com, or contact her at annamariestill.com.

Comments

[Sarah]

Wow. Your story really speaks to me. I find myself in the same situation often. Struggling to make art for myself or for others. There have been many times recently I just wanted to step away from it all but feel that would be too selfish and would disapoint too many people. It is often dificult to find a balance...

[Beth Perry]

AWESOME POST

[Judi]

This sounds so familiar to me. It's such a total delight to help others create, that it's like a drug sometimes. The emotions surrounding the creation of our own art are less consistent. But, it sounds as though you are in the right place now. Thank you for sharing your story.

[pixie]

I love reading your story! You are IN IT, mama! xoxoxo pixie

[Amber Dusick]

I loved reading your story and how you are finding that balance. Our own creative cup has to be filled before we can fill others. I have an art therapy degree and when I was in training and working with others I went through a similar thing. And now while I don't teach directly, much of my creating is to be shared and taught on my various websites so there is an audience. Creating just for myself with no intention to show or sell or explain is wonderful...I don't do it often enough.