Art: Helping through the Hard Times & Celebrating in the Happy Times • by Jen Osborn

As much as I love writing about my adventures in art, I have a difficult time writing about my personal life. I have a tendency to keep my inner self private, and safe from harm. I say this so you will understand how deeply I feel about the role art plays in saving lives ... deep enough to risk putting myself out there for you all to know.

Art has saved me three times in the past 15 years.

A Whole New World through Photoshop
After my daughter was born, I suffered severe postpartum depression. Thankfully, I never had the urge to injure her as many mothers do, but must confess that I used to daydream weekly about driving myself straight into the median. I was 23 and had two children under the age of 3, one of which cried nonstop. I remember lying in bed at night with my ears ringing from the lack of noise, wishing I could just fade away into non-existence. I was in the deepest hole imaginable, and hid it from everyone around me. I would plaster on my happy face and pretend as if nothing were wrong. I should have sought help, but little was known about it then, and there was so much stigma attached that I didn’t dare share what was happening to me with anyone. This is when art saved me for the first time.

By a strange twist of circumstances, we acquired our first home computer. I discovered Adobe Photoshop when I went to edit photos of the kids, and my eyes were opened to a whole world where making art for a living was an amazing reality. I started teaching myself how to use Photoshop, and before long Identity Seven was born. I had my own little graphic design company creating websites, logos, and business cards. Art had reached its hand down into my deep, dark hole and gently pulled me out.

When my daughter graduated from kindergarten I had my first miscarriage. I was using an IUD as birth control, and the chances of getting pregnant were less than .01%. We were completely unprepared for all the feelings it stirred up. A miscarriage is never easy, but when you have children it really hits home what you’ve lost every time you look at their precious faces. We did our best to muddle through it, and thankfully a move halfway across the state took our minds off our loss. The “faulty” IUD was replaced with another one, and we went on our merry way.

By this time my graphic design business had evolved into a custom stationery one. I was happier than ever. The small rural town we had moved to turned out to be amazing, and our family was flourishing. I had discovered rubber stamping, and was having a wonderful time manipulating images in Photoshop and printing them on handmade papers. Life was good.

Forced to Slow Down
The second time art saved me was after my second miscarriage.

It had been two years since the first one, and this time I knew that something wasn’t right with my body. I went to my doctor hoping he would not confirm what I knew in my heart. I was almost two months pregnant this time, and my doctor made it very clear that there was a serious risk of miscarriage upon removal of the IUD. There was also no choice to be made — it couldn’t stay in because it was dangerous for the baby. It was a very somber day when I went in to have it removed, and by that evening I started to miscarry. One of our worst experiences as a couple and parents was repeating itself at one of the happiest times in our life. This time I didn’t recover as easily physically, and spent the better part of a year driving halfway across the state on a weekly basis for check-ups. I vaguely remember starting to feel as if that deep hole was going to swallow me up again. Then I stumbled upon a copy of Somerset Studio in the stamp store.

Art had reached out its hand to me again just when I needed it most. As I read through this incredible magazine, I discovered that not only could art be a job, but it could be a lifestyle as well. My eyes were opened even wider, and I gobbled up every issue trying to learn as much as possible about the world of mixed media art. I joined a few Yahoo! groups, and started making friends with artists all over the world. Art gave me a wonderful gift in the form of love, laughter, and mail art. It also put in my path some of the most amazing and giving women I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. They took me under their wings, and taught me how to find my own song and fly higher than I ever dreamed possible. I learned how to harness the power of my imagination, and windows started flying open for me in the art world.

Again, art had saved me and I was like a kid in a candy shop. I grasped onto art so tightly that I let it tip my life out of balance. Suddenly art wasn’t just a part of my life, it was one of the most important things, sitting only slightly behind my family. I spent every waking hour thinking about and making art. This is when life decided to teach me a lesson about slowing down and appreciating what I had. I started having excruciating back pain, and by 6 p.m. every night I was lying on the floor trying to squeeze out an ounce of comfort. I finally went to the doctor, and was diagnosed with disc degeneration and spinal stenosis. Three years of medication, physical therapy, and painful operations followed. I found myself in a dark place even art couldn’t reach. Making art suddenly had painful consequences, and I had to focus on making only what I really enjoyed or had agreed to write about to make it through the day.

A Peace Within Me
Up came that deep hole to swallow me up again. Here again were the days spent crying and trying to rally against what life had dealt me. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t handle it with grace, and was pretty unpleasant to live with. I went through a terrible grieving process for the life I thought I was going to live, and really had trouble accepting it all. Thankfully, this time I recognized what was happening to me mentally, and sought help after I admitted to my husband one night that I was starting to feel that urge to disappear again.

This is when art reached out with both arms and saved me once again. In the past, all my art had been created in happy times, and celebrated the love and laughter I chose to focus on in life. During one of my appointments, my therapist gave me a homework assignment: journal or create a piece of art that represented something I was struggling with. Out of this came a piece of art that said, “When I am angry, words fly out of my mouth like stones!” This helped me realize what I was doing to my family and myself by struggling so hard against what was happening to me. It forced me to finally accept that I had no control over what was happening to me medically. It taught me humility, and the power that art has. This one simple piece of art unlocked a peace within me that I didn’t think possible.

ART SAVES.

Art is a Gift
Since then, I have hired an Art Coach to help me find balance in my life, and I am learning to only take on obligations that align with what I know to be important to me. Instead of worrying about being left behind, I am finding that new opportunities are being offered to me that I have dreamed of for years, and others that I couldn’t have ever imagined. My family has more of my focused attention in the evenings, and less of me spending time with them as I create. My art voice has become louder and clearer, and best of all more incredible women have been put in my path. Women who push me to be the best me I can be — not only as an artist, but as a wife and mother too! Women who I can share my secret self with, and not be afraid of being turned away.

I share all this with you because ART SAVES and you are not alone. We are all here to cheer you on when you achieve your dreams, and enfold you in our arms when you need protection from the harsh realities of life. Art is here to help you through the hard times, and celebrate the happy ones. Art is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and those you love. There is no right or wrong way to make art, there is only your way.

NOW GO MAKE ART!

Learn more about Jen Osborn over on her blog, blog.themessynest.com.

Comments

[linda]

Thank you for sharing your story...I was gripped reading along and feeling your pain and loss. I'm the youngest in my family and grateful to have older siblings who share their experiences with me, in hopes that I won't make the same mistakes or suffer alone when life gets bumpy. However, being the youngest and learning about all the things that could or could not happen - especially becoming a mother...it's really scary at times. My husband and I are not yet ready, but one day we will have children and it's so helpful to learn about people's experiences and realize it's okay to get help, to seek out support when needed...that we are not alone. I feel as a woman we have so many responsibilities and overblown expectations from society...it's crazy! Perhaps it is weird that I already feel so deeply about the role of mothers and the many issues they encounter, even before becoming one...haha! Art definitely saves and you are a fine example showing us all that we are not alone, that we can cheer each other on...yay! All my best wishes to you, your family and your art. Ciao ciao :)

[kecia]

great story, jen - thanks for sharing all that you went through. i love to see how strong we women are. in times of adversity a lot of people chose other routes (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc.), so i think that choosing art during a difficult time can only enhance our lives and take us to a better place.

[Laura Bray]

A wonderful story about your journey with art. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us.

[Pam Kirshenbaum]

WOW...what a great story. I'm so impressed with your strength. Your strength to tell your story, to figure out and solve your problems in a positive way. Be it with family, art, friends, therapy, or whatever works for you. But I'm most impressed with your strength to let out some of those stones so that we may all take them away for you and make you lighter. You must be floating by now!! xoxox

[suzi blu]

Thank you Jen. The more women get honest about their lives the more women will realize they are not alone and what they are going through is not unique or weird. So very important to tell your story. xoxo

[QuinnCreative]

What great courage you had--every time. And every time, when nothing else did, art pulled you through. But only because you reached for it, struggled with it, and discovered the meaning of art for you. What a wonderful story. None of us is alone, particularly when we are so sure of it. Thanks for this brave story, Jen.

[anna]

Sending much love your way. It has been such a pleasure to have been art-friends for such a long time! xxx

[Catherine Witherell]

Great story! Great solution! XO Catherine

[the messy nest - Jen Osborn]

I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful words and support!

This was a REALLY difficult piece for me to write, but one that I think I needed to finally see in words instead of simply running over and over it in my mind. ART is so important in keeping me sane {and happy}, and I just really wanted you all to know how it really can SAVE you.

When I think about all of this, I see in my mind's eye Virginia Woolf putting stones in her pocket and walking down into the water. If only she had someone to hand those stones over to instead of hoarding them all inside her soul ...

I am so lucky and blessed to be loved by all of you :)

[Alyice Edrich]

I love how you shared from the depths of your soul. I am so sorry for the miscarriages, and the health problems but so grateful that you found peace and happiness in those storms. Blessings.

[Julie Bergmann]

Thank you so much for sharing your story Jen. I loved your honesty. It helps us all realize we all go through struggles in our lives but can find peace through art. Great big hugs to you!

[Kim Geiser]

Thank you so much for sharing your story!

[Tamie Oldridge]

Like everyone else said, thank you for sharing your story. It's funny how much art comes from pain. And yep, Art definitely saves lives! So inspiring Jen!

[Beate Knappe]

It is so pity that I can not write in englisch like I wont to do, because You are so right, I can not tell how you are right. Thank you so much for sharing your story you are so brave - Thank you!!!!!

[Robyn]

Thanks so much for this post. Art has saved my life many times, but it is always a great reminder to read inspiring stories like yours.

[Lee]

Your story is so poignant. Thank you for sharing it.

[Ellen]

I am so glad you shared your story; I lost a child, it is
a painful path to walk. You feel alone. I am happy you have been saved through art and now are willing to express yourself to help others find their path! I believe sharing what we endure is powerful. I am thankful you found your way out of darkness; Your journey through pain n' art, can help others to follow their path~

[Darcy Roy]

Jen,
Your story reminds me how strong women can be and you are strong.

It's as if, when we have endured the dark times as long as we dare, we speed toward the light and find a greater passion to survive. Then our focus gets very clear. And what comes out of that catharsis is something that touches other people on a soul level. That is holy. That is the power of God in Art through the artist. *But it is like a trial by fire. It's all so amazing.
I loved your honesty. We all do, it's ok, your story helps others. We've got your back! lol
love and hugs, Darcy