Art Saves • by Lola Morales

"These kids – like the one writing this book – could do so much in life. They just need a second chance.” Nikki Sixx in The Heroin Diaries, writing about the Running Wild in the Night charity he began for runaway kids.

I was a runaway. I ran wild in the streets at night. I was exploited and abused, self-destructive and pugnacious. These are some of my truths that not many people know about me. And it wasn't until it was suggested I write an Art Saves story for CRESCENDOh that I realized art saved me when I was a young girl and is saving me now as an adult woman.

Although my early home life was very troubled, it was also a very creative environment. My parents were talented in a variety of mediums and provided artistic examples and supplies. I enjoyed creating art in several forms. But looking back now I can plainly see that photography and writing were two of my most favored mediums.

I remember during some unhappy periods of my young childhood picking up my plastic 110 camera and staging little photo shoots around my home. I was left alone a lot and was a very sad little girl. But when I was photographing vignettes of ordinary objects, my bare feet, my pet dog... I found salvation.

My creative thought process took over and in those stolen moments I wasn't thinking about my unhappiness. My world looked different through that viewfinder, it was one of hope and joy not despair and melancholy. The developed prints were evidence of solace, paper talismans I didn't want to share with anyone else. Photography was a secret ritual that belonged unto me.

My writing was also something I rarely shared. I was painfully shy and reticent in nature. In spite of that, my teachers recognized advanced potential in my work. Their positive feedback and encouragement helped bolster my fragile self-esteem, even if only for a short time.

But in some of the darkest times of my youth, when I felt completely forsaken and needed to be heard, I turned to a notebook to release my sorrow. I cried out for help, pleaded with God to save me, said I wanted to die. I was no more than twelve years old. By the time I was thirteen, I was essentially out in the world on my own. I would spend the next several years a suicidal gypsy – wandering a dark path of self-annihilation fraught with reckless misadventures.

Art would make only cameo appearances during that time. I never finished the ninth grade, but one of the high schools I attended provided an excellent art and photography program that left a lasting impression. At sixteen, with G.E.D. in hand, I began college with Photography as my chosen major. I was given a map and a compass to find my way in life, but it was all foreign to me. I faltered and chaos overshadowed my plans and my art.

It wasn't until I later became pregnant that I earnestly began navigating a different path, one of love, service and redemption. My son was my savior, my true north. I returned to college, secured a career, and established a stable home. But I lost part of myself and my art during those several years prior. It would take many more years for me to begin reconnecting with my creative identity and passions.

Two years ago I began sharing my photography and writing in the form of a blog. Last year, I began sharing my jewelry art, as well. Most recently, I have been surrendering myself more to self-revelation through my art. Upon the wings of my images and words, I may be transported through the black brambles of my past and fly back out into the beautiful light of my life today.

I am not an addict, alcoholic, or mentally ill. I am not homeless, institutionalized, or incarcerated. I am not battered, trafficked, or marginalized. I am not dead. Sadly, the same cannot be said of many people from my past. I could have easily shared any one or more of their fates. Yet, I escaped and chose to forge a better life.

I ask myself, "How?" and "Why?" Questions for which I'm still seeking answers. But perhaps a better question is, "What now?" I don't know where my art will carry me next, I am just beginning to catch glimpses of possibilities. Possibilities available because this runaway was given a second chance.

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Lola Morales
July 2010
California, USA

Comments

[D Smith Kaich Jones]

Lola - First, of course you are beautiful, and the image of you is beautiful. Second, how glad I am that you are here. Your work reveals your past, but also your now and your future. Paper talismans, indeed. I love that phrase.

xoxo
Debi

[melody ross]

you are incredible, Lola...such an inspiration. I feel so honored to know you. xoxo

[Carol Weiler]

You are a beautiful, courageous woman and I am so glad that ART has saved you as it has so many of us.

[Tammy Kelley]

Lola you have incredible talent...I want to read more! Happy you are doing this.

[Lucie]

Lola: having read this only inspires me more. You truly represent a past that is similar to mine, which must be why fate and opportunity brought us together. Continue to explore your artistic side, for you never know how many hearts, minds, and lives you will touch.

[Lola M.]

Thank you all for your lovely comments, I appreciate it:)

[Colette George]

Your story is a revelation, thank you for sharing so honestly. What a gift you have for writing. You're such lovely lady, I'm so glad we're friends.
Colette