The Storyteller • by Tammy Gilley

She is the keeper of the tribal history,
the soulful voice of the clan.
Whispering the stories of the ancients
into the ears of the babes.
Quietly, she holds the space for our family’s history,
while chanting prayers for our future,
guiding us hopefully into tomorrow
from the wisdom of the past.
The children cling to her robes,
enraptured by her words.
Stargazey, marveling, drinking from her liquid voice
and chewing softly on her words,
the little ones take nourishment from her experience.
She is old, she is young.
She has wrinkles and curves,
is soft and pliable,
yet strong and sturdy.
Her hands are soft and warm as she clasps mine to her heart,
so that I might feel the steady rhythm of my people and their past,
all in the here and now.
She smells of cloves and gardenia.
Her laughter tinkles like glass on rocks.
Her voice soothes and comforts me.
Even now.
Even gone, she lives with me still
as I place my own hand
to my own heart,
a tear escaping, trickling down my cheek.
The steady rhythm of my people,
my storyteller,
my mother.
“Shhhh,” she whispers. “I am here.
I’ve always been here.
But they are your stories now.
I gave them to you.
It’s your turn.
Tell them.”

A Pull to my Mother
My mother was a quilter. When I lost her a few years ago, I felt a strong pull to create quilts, in homage to her I suppose. A connection to her. Hard.To.Let.Go. I do love working with fabric, and it was a joyous pursuit. But it never completely felt like my pursuit. On this journey, however, I began creating appliqué blocks from my hand-drawn designs. I loved the process of drawing simple shapes to cut from fabric, then selecting colors and patterns to coordinate, making the drawings come alive on the quilt. My art journal began to include few quilt block sketches and more whimsical drawings, peppered with phrases and notes to myself such as:

• remain open
• follow your heart
• be bold
• breathe

Like little whispers in my heart, my drawings became increasingly detailed as I spent more time with my paints and markers and less time at my sewing machine. During an early morning journal session, I thought, “What if I painted some of these? Really painted them on a surface, brought them off my private pages. Put them out into the world.” I was surprised that the emotion I felt was not terror, but a giddy excitement. That afternoon, I went to the lumber yard, bought a 6-foot length of 1” x 10” clear cedar (smells so divine!) and had the nice man cut it into 10” x 10” panels. I began my first painting the minute I returned to my studio.

That first one took days and days. It felt joyful. It felt somehow freeing. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

All About the Journey
I’ve always had a desire to paint, but not the confidence to go along with it. That day was different. That day I felt nudged by unseen hands to express myself creatively in this way. I knew I wouldn’t abandon my textile arts. I was only adding another medium to my artist toolbox.

These last few years have been about finding a way to grieve the extraordinary and stunning loss of my mother, while at the same time finding my own artistic voice and the confidence to share it. In the time that has elapsed since my first ART SAVES installment, my time has been spent in deep thought, almost a fervent prayer, me seeking the way I want to put myself out in the world as an artist. What I’m learning is that it’s not always about finding “the answer,” or “the way,” or “the expression.” It truly is about the journey. It truly is about experimentation, and playing, and trying things on for size, and really and truly feeling the joy that comes from all of that process. It is a journey. It’s about me telling my artistic story, while mixing in all of the gifts from my mom and the rest of the creative souls in my clan.

I wish I had a really compelling conclusion for my essay today. But I don’t. Perhaps, because I’m so deep into this journey that I just can’t wrap it all up, and put a big bow on it. Check back with me in another six months?

Learn more about Tammy Gilley at tammygilley.com.

Comments

[bonnierose]

so so wonderful getting to know you more!
Hugs.. I cannot wait to get my pendant!
love you , bonnierose in Fargo