Authentically Yours • by Lisa Kaus

In my previous CRESCENDOh article, I spoke of the fact that I was date raped at the age of 16. Here I am, months later, to share with you an update on me, my story, my continued development.

A friend of mine recently said to me the following:

“Lisa, you have changed so much I’m not sure I would recognize you on the street if I saw you ... You are but a shadow of your former self ...”

I pondered that statement for quite a long time. I asked family members and dear friends if I have really changed that much. Mostly they all said yes. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see my same self, but I do see a new self emerging, full of a newfound confidence, courage and strength that only comes after taking a good hard look at my inner-self and deciding to make changes and explore new avenues.

COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN
Change, this past year or so has been all of that for me. I started on this journey the summer before last but I think the real catalyst for change was going through a self-realization that something very traumatic happened to me when I was much younger and coming to terms with that. As mentioned in my previous article I went through all the levels of grief one goes through when dealing with a significant loss. The experience prompted me to look at my life and the direction in which I was going. For some reason, I was compelled to change everything I could about me. Maybe it was an effort to somehow escape myself, but I think it is more about how to reinvent myself. The more I began to change the more comfortable I have become in my own skin. I also took up running ... again.

STEPS ON ASPHALT
I took up running as a result of the trauma ... I have run in the past and am no stranger to running. It feels so good to be out on the road listening to my steps hit the asphalt. The rhythmic motion of it was and is such therapy for me. As a result of running and taking better care of myself, I’ve lost about 45 pounds. That is a confidence builder in and of itself so naturally it led to making other changes in my world.

PERMISSION TO WALK AWAY
So where does my art fit in to all of this and has it saved me this time? Yes and no, Contrary to most of the articles, being in the studio has so much therapeutic time for most people and largely for me as well, but because it is my job and career to make art most every day, I gave myself permission to walk away from art this time for awhile and not feel obligated to have to create something. I have needed the break to refuel mentally and creatively. That is not to say I haven’t done anything ... Goodness no, I have just been exploring other creative avenues and having so much fun doing it. I just pulled back from what I have been doing every day, which is painting.

Now I am back in the studio again art-making for the most part and am continuing to teach workshops around the country. I have also entered the world of art licensing with my work and am in the process of wrapping up my wholesale business at the end of the year.

EMBRACING IT ALL
In the previous article, I also spoke of the importance of building an authentic life. I could not stand behind that concept any truer than I do today. My need to be me and real and true has never been greater.

Yes, I think my friend’s observations are astute as I have become but a shadow of my former self, but there is something so familiar about it as this journey of life affords me the opportunity to grow and change ... at a pace that works for me. I welcome all of myself with open arms ...

Authentically yours,
Lisa

Visit www.lisakaus.blogspot.com.

Comments

[Roxie-Girl]

Lisa, I feel so much when I read your words. I've traveled a bit of the same road, and it's great to hear when a woman reinvents herself. Your creativeness has left and will always leave an astounding mark on the world, it has so much meaning and depth behind it.
I'm so happy to say that I've been fortunate enough to meet you. I own your work, and it brings a smile to my face every time I glance at it.

Your Sister in Art,
Roxie

[Tina Gilmore]

Hi Lisa, what a truly amazing person you are, I have followed your art for a few years (and found Sally Jean through you and will be forever grateful), you inspire me. Your "permission to walk away" paragraph in particular is very poignant, as artists it's almost impossible to think that it's ok not to create something every day, but it really is. Thank you for the insight into your life and your honesty and gracefullness. Please take care. xx

[Isabel Eaton]

You are truly an inspiration to so many, sending the best to you on your journey. Hugs Isabel:O)

[michelle renee bernard]

Lisa, you are a courageous example for all of us. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you nothing but the best on your continued journey of self-discovery. xoxo

[Catherine Witherell]

Hi Lisa, I noticed you looked different and mostly just so much prettier a few months ago from your photo on facebook. I'm happy for your growth, your break and your return. It's nice that you are out again and working, with new things in the works. I wish you more happiness and success in these next blossoming years.

[kelly lish]

Hi Lisa,
Of course you must know by know that I am one of your biggest fans...I think your artwork is just amazing, and so full of a wonderful innocence, that I fall in love with every piece you make! When I met you at the store in Sellwood, I didn't know much about you personally. I was really only meeting this great artist that I admired. But as time has gone on I am getting to know you more and more through your stories and your blog. I think you are even more amazing! I think facing our own stories and past can be one of the hardest things we ever do, and one of the bravest things that we must do to set ourselves free. I'm so glad you are doing well. You deserve all the happiness in the world. We all do.
Back in Oct 2010 I went to Idaho to the Brave Girl Camp. It was life changing for me. One of the excercises we did was to make a time line of our life and of significant things that happened to us. Seeing my life on a spread sheet, with dates and traumas, (good and bad traumas) made one thing so clear to me...I am not defined by one small time frame of my life. I went through something, but it is not who I am. I had givin myself a label and kept it. That was how I saw and described myself. But now I have thrown away that label. That isn't going to define me, it was just something I went through and in the big picture it is very small...and I am very big! It sounds so simple, but I had been carrying around this ugly label my whole life...until I saw it on a timeline with all the other big markers of my life... then it became clear to me that I had givin it way too much power. It was so eye opening, that excercise has changed my entire life and view of myself in such a great way.
I think this "new you" is really just YOU, but was previously encased in the feelings of your trauma. I'm glad you are free now and I think you are such a beautiful human being. You are an inspiration. Thank you for that and for sharing your truth. Lots of love to you from me :)

[Kim Caldwell]

You're amazing ~ "all of yourself". . .

xxoo

[Rochelle]

Lisa........your journey is an inspiration to us all. I am fortunate to own several pieces of your work, and to have met you when you graciosly allowed my sons and I to visit your studio, which also inspires me to create. You look fabulous, and obviously you feel great, so I wish you continued happiness.
Affably,Rochelle

[Betty]

Well, Miss Lisa, we welcome the "new you" into the world. Wishing you the joy, love and peace and the promises of a full life. May you soar above the clouds - burrow in the warm, sweet earth, and savor every step along the continuing journey that is uniquely yours. Know that you are loved for all you are - and that it does not depend upon you making art. Let your soul sing and others will listen and join in. Hugs - B :)