First Comes Acceptance.
So tomorrow is another session with Therapist. It's gonna be a doosey. So much to talk about. First, there's the homework assignment where I have been asked to express my sadness about something. The homework came about as I explained to Therapist that because I'm so sad about the situation, I don't ever see myself becoming a happy person. To which Therapist said that it is possible to become a happy person. And by happy, I mean content and at peace versus rainbows and unicorns.
"By accepting that you don't have what you want in this situation." Therapist said.
"How do I achieve acceptance?" I asked.
"By completely and thoroughly expressing your deep sadness about it. Letting it all out."
. . . . . . .
Even though I like to view myself as an expressive person, I do know that I was raised to refrain from the type of expression that Therapist is referring to. I was raised to ignore the feelings and just quietly deal, cope, and survive.
I admire people who are able to say what they feel right then and there. Right when it happens. They'll say things like this:
"Hey, you hurt my feelings when you said that."
"I felt embarrassed when you treated me like that."
"I'm angry that you didn't return my text."
On the one hand, I wonder if people who say what they feel in this way haven't yet learned the art of letting go and moving on. After all, there's a lot of things to do besides talking about one's feelings. But then I also wonder if people who ignore feelings and avoid addressing them allow them to fester and grow into really bad things.
It's probably a little bit of both.
I'm somewhat apprehensive about walking up super close to my sadness and letting the door open so that it can all come out. I know it will be exhausting.
A process that I hope will take me on a road that leads to my accepting the truths of these situations. And where through acceptance I can feel the happy that Therapist says will be there for me to take.
If I want to.