I rode the final wave of my recent birthday by celebrating with my friends Pam and Amy last night. Conversations about art, more art, and then more art still. Conversations that could keep going on and on if we only had the time. Pam took this photo of me admiring the handlettered gift wrap she made. As I unfolded it and saw what it said, it warmed my heart. What a life season it's been these last few months.
Pam pointed out that I look deeply happy in this photo and I replied that yes, I feel that more than ever, as I feel a sense of fulfillment and peace to just go with life's flow and art's flow and ride whatever wave that comes my way. It made me recall early convos with my therapist months ago when I started with him. He had asked me what I wanted and I had told him that I wanted to feel fulfilled but not at the expense of my passion and fire for life. Even if that meant that I'd have to live with some degree of torment and melancholy.
Going with life's flow I think involves a complete breakdown at times. Like when my brother passed this past Thanksgiving. From the moment I found out to now, I know one thing for sure. I just let myself feel it all. No holding back. Completely broken. Completely shattered.
And I allowed art to take me over with complete inhibition. Every part of me. It is truly what saved me and breathed in me a newfound strength and wisdom.
I've become less afraid of complete breakdowns. Because when it's completely so, that's when I get to see and feel what there is to see and feel and understand ... and then breathe again, deeper than before.