Without Art I am Not Completely Whole • by Alyice Edrich

When I graduated high school, I had no clue what to do with my life so I took the easy way out — I went to community college and got a degree in Business Administration. Yet, working in the office just wasn’t as satisfying a thought as I’d hope. Then I met my soul mate, we married, and I became a stay-at-home mommy — the best I could be. And for years, that role satisfied me.

But then my children grew up and needed less of me and I found myself feeling empty and lost. Their days were busy with school and my days weren’t busy at all. So I filled my days up with creative writing, running an online magazine (thedabblingmum.com), reviewing movies and books, promoting my e-books, and socializing online. And it worked ... for awhile.

Then We Moved ...
We moved to a small town, in the middle of nowhere, to take care of my husband’s ailing parents. A place that left me feeling more alone and more empty than I ever thought possible — a place that had nothing to offer me but more time on my hands. The more alone I felt, the more I engulfed myself in my writing business, so much so that I burnt out and could no longer do my job.

Soon I found myself spiraling into a deep, deep depression filled with bitterness and resentment and thoughts I never dreamed would be a part of my psyche. Stress and panic attacks became an everyday thing, and I feared what would become of me if we stayed.

Then the recession hit and jobs became scarce and moving out of state was no longer an option. On top of that, my husband began working insane hours just to hold onto his job and my kids became teenagers with lives after school that didn’t involve me.

The isolation and loneliness grew, and making friends remained an impossible task —small town mindedness was never more apparent, or more unattractive.

Changing My View of Life
Something had to change before I lost what was left of me. Only I didn’t know how to change or what would make a difference. I simply couldn’t think clearly enough to figure it out.

I kept berating myself with questions like, “If my family was so important to me, why weren’t they enough for me?” and “If having a successful home-based business was my dream job, then why wasn’t it fulfilling anymore?” And finally, “If I used to be okay keeping to myself, why was I now finding it difficult to be alone?”

Then I had an attack of Bell’s Palsy, which was misdiagnosed as a mini-stroke, and I realized that I had to do something to change how I viewed my life and what I did with it, regardless of my current circumstances.

It was Then That I Picked Up My Art Again
It was at my husband’s insistence, actually. He said, “When we owned our own home, you were always creative: crafts with the kids, art on the walls, gardening. I’d come home and never knew what to expect: what colors the walls were going to be, what the furniture was going to look like, how the yard was going to be changed. You don’t do any of that now. You haven’t in a long time. I think what is missing in your life is your creative outlet.”

To which I said, “But the kids don’t want to create art anymore. I try. I ask. I suggest all kinds of ideas, but they just aren’t interested anymore.”

With tears in his eyes, he said, “Then do it without them.”

“You were happy when you were creating. Just because they don’t want to do it anymore, or you can’t go crazy on the walls of this rental doesn’t mean you can’t create art.”

“But I’d be doing it alone. I’m so alone all the time now, I don’t want to do something else alone, too,” I replied.

That’s when he picked up a creative hobby: model airplanes.

Finding Myself Again
At first, it was hard to create art. I was so creatively stifled that everything I created came out horrible and extremely ugly. Some days, I cried after completing an art piece. Other times, I threw the art across the room in frustration — only to start over again and again and again.

Then one day, I read two books: Paint Happy by Cristina Acosta and Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts that really set me on the path to using art to heal my hurting soul. Both books reminded me to let go of personal expectations and to create art for the simple joy of creating art—and through the process of creating art, I’d rediscover myself.

It didn’t happen overnight, but with each piece of art I created, and each piece of art I gave away, I began to find myself again. And eventually, the anxiety disappeared, the resentment lifted, and the depression became manageable.

There truly is something magical about creating art.

From the moment I pick up my art supplies, until the moment I put them down, nothing else matters — nothing but the process of creating. The loneliness is lifted, the days no longer feel empty, and the soul finds a way to mend itself. You could even say that my life is given a new purpose.

Art is Therapeutic ...
Some days, I look at a piece of art and I can tell that I had a really bad day the day I created it. The artwork is not its best, the colors don’t blend together well, and there is something “disjointing” or “disfiguring” about the piece.

Other days, I look at a piece of art I created and I feel nothing but peace and happiness. That’s when I know creating that piece of art was healing, that it brought me one step closer to leaving the depression behind.

My husband was right. Art is a part of me. Art helps me cope with life. It offers my mind an escape. It allows me to capture happy moments. It helps me resolve emotional problems. And it provides an opportunity for giving of myself to others.

Creativity has always been a part of who I am and without it I am not completely whole.

To learn more about Alyice’s healing art journey, visit the “Artist’s Life” archives on her Coming Home blog (alyiceedrich.com/category/artist-life) , and don’t forget to stop by her free eMagazine, The Dabbling Mum® (thedabblingmum.com/emagindex.htm).

Comments

[Melissa Bolton]

Thanks for sharing your moving story. I think almost every woman goes through that phase of losing or neglacting herself for her family for awhile. "Lend yourself to others but give yourself to yourself". You are lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive husband. I will look forward to seeing what you come up with in the future- you have so much passion inside you-it is bound to show itself in all of your work!

[Gia]

This is a great story. Thank you for sharing this with everyone! It is amazing what art can do.

[Alyice Edrich]

Thanks Melissa and Giga! I agree Melissa, I am lucky to be married to my husband. Some days he drives me crazy, but every day I know I am blessed.

[Holly Doyle]

Creating art has helped me through so many phases of my life. Thanks for sharing this to remind me of that!!!

[jenny@crescendoh.com]

You have a good man, Alyice.

[Alyice Edrich]

Thanks Holly and Jenny.

Yes, phases...from childhood to adulthood. I wish they would offer art as therapy in schools, I think kids could so use it as a way to help them cope with those dreaded teen years.

[juliehaymakerthompson]

oh Alyice, I loved reading this Laat year when My husbaand and I lost our home and had to move to AZ into aplace that was not our own and to close to "mom" The only thing that save me is my art . I know that lost feeling. Thanks for shairng . Always now know if ou are down we are out here to help . hugs Julie

[Alyice Edrich]

Julie, Thanks, I appreciate the support and understanding. So sorry to hear about the loss of your home, that must have been so hard, to lose and have to move to a new place.

[Robyn]

Such an inspiring story Alyice. Art has saved me many a time and I have no doubt in my mind that it is a great healer.

[Alyice Edrich]

Thanks Robyn, I'd love to hear (or read) how art healed you some time.

[Ellen]

Alyice, I am sorry you have struggled, losing your home and your place in life. It seems like when our children get older, the shift of change, can sometimes, take it's toll on us. I am happy your husband had the insight to know what would help you! He did crafts so you wouldn't be alone; a wonderful gesture.
I am glad art saved you and You,now can inspire others~

[Alyice]

Thanks so much Ellen. I appreciate your empathy and the idea that what I went through could "inspire" others. It sort of makes what I went through worth it, in a way. :) Have a blessed day!

[lorraine]

what a great article this is..I am so glad that you became creative again and the internet is such a great place to share art and experiences and have friends with the same interests..thanks for sharing this story

[Alyice]

Thank you for the compliment Lorraine. I agree, the Internet can sometimes open doors when the real world around you has seemed to shut you out. You gals are amazing!

[Darcy Roy]

Alyice,

Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength gives courage to others. May the future bring you your dream home, so you can paint rainbows on the walls if you feel like it! blessings to you,
Darcy

[amy sperry faldet]

Such wings you have found. They take you away and bring you safely back. This was touching. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.

[Alyice Edrich]

Darcy and Amy,

Thank you so much for your sweet comments and the blessings. I truly, truly appreciate them. :)